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My desperate plea to lift tiny curtains
Not quite skirts, some mere decorations,
But more like walls, defensive and grim
(Or shrouds! concealing death)
You let hang under your couch-
Hiding your holes
Out of site
And sight of the light of day.

Stretched and twined
Into your deep, collapsing shadows
I'll cry for you-
(So one day you won't have to)
And except (accept) the shameful [-sweet-] sides
Of your soul.

As a quiet mouse in such
Secret sanctum I will carve.
(In my mind)
On my eyes
Every curving grainy slice
(Of you.)
In your floor.

Then
Might I take up residence
In the shelter of your soul
And find space
For it,
For me, and you
(And me)
In the fortress of my heart.
©2007-2009 ~Omnicontemplation
:iconomnicontemplation:

Author's Comments

So I wrote this on a long trip home from vacation... I'll reread and edit ( I've done initial editing ) later....

Edited once, now... while at work, so not really well thought out... some major changes have been made though, at least ten new words and a line or two.

Comments


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:iconnotrightnow:
i dig this- i think it's really well-constructed and there's some great language (for some reason "lift tiny curtains" sounds so interesting to me). if i may offer some constructive criticism- take it or leave it, i know you're not done editing- i would watch out for clichés like "quiet as a mouse" and "fortress of my heart" - unless, of course, theyre intended. i do love this poem though!

--
i'm sorry i kicked you in the ass, but i'm not sorry i'm an asskicker.
:iconomnicontemplation:
Thanks.

Yeah, I'm a recovering addict when it comes to cliche.

I'll make my best effort to murder them where they stand as soon as possible. :)

--
I eat cheese.
:iconomnicontemplation:
I blame the fantasy novels.

--
I eat cheese.

Details

August 18, 2007
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